How to get on Honor Roll for Dummies: Confessions of an accidental straight-A student (and one C)

If my career as a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist doesn’t work out, I plan to dedicate my life (as one of those expensive motivational speakers) to educating high school students on why you can be really stupid and still get an A.

Kaitlyn grad photo If my career as a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist doesn’t work out, I plan to dedicate my life (as one of those expensive motivational speakers) to educating high school students on why you can be really stupid and still get an A.

My common sense compass has always been off. I have no idea why; everyone assumes I’m so smart. If you look past my grades, it’s clear that my high school career was a collection of events spurred by my stupidity.

In ninth grade I paid 40 dollars for a Hollister sweatshirt because I thought it was stylish, and discovered while labeling a map in Government class that the District of Columbia is the D.C. part of Washington D.C.

In tenth grade I tripped face-first over one of those gigantic waist high orange traffic cones at the beginning of a 5k. During spring break in Jamaica, Kristen Zdon and I decided to get nachos rather than go to the infinity pool, but when my parents couldn’t find us they called hotel security.

In eleventh grade I broke my wrist playing a sport where you can’t even use your hands (soccer). I also kissed an unidentified boy (it was a bet, and he was cute) while shopping for a holiday card, and then accidently bought a Spanish card while frantically running away.

This year I used a softball bat to get the snow off my windshield that day we got out early for the snowstorm, seriously considered attending the University of Scranton because that’s where The Office was filmed, and forgot to close the full trunk of my car once while pulling out of the parking lot.

I tell these stories about my stupid mistakes to everyone because they’re funny.

Thinking about these moments makes me laugh, but I can’t smile when I think about all of the people I’ve cut out of my life without giving them a chance, how much time I’ve wasted alone when the people I love are right down the stairs, and the number of tears I’ve secretly cried because I’m not strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable.

Out of all of the stupid things I’ve done, however, my biggest regret will always be what I do when I’m spiraling down, gasping for air, and all I can see is the empty glass falling. In those fragile moments, I direct my anger and frustration at the people who come too close, and those people are all too often the very few who I love unconditionally.
There are things I wish I could go back and change. I am not a saint, although compared to some of my peers, my offenses are like the playful scratches of a kitten. I am young, stupid, and lost feeling my way up a dark staircase after being lured in by people who told me it leads to the stars. I can’t help but wonder if I chose the right college, the right major, the right career path- or if the staircase is an infinite climb.