Avoiding Black Friday at all costs

It is Thanksgiving Day. After eating about a hundred pounds of turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and other Thanksgiving goodness, all I want to do is lay back and loosen my belt. The absolute last thing I want to do is shop.
While I’m at home barely able to move off the couch, there are some lunatics who can’t wait to stampede through the doors of Wal-Mart or Target and buy the cheapest things possible. Huge masses of people, which are strikingly similar to a herd of zombies, cram themselves up against the entrances like a can of sardines.
Since November can be considered Winter in our area, it is usually about ten degrees below zero on the night before Black Friday. Standing outside in the numbing cold after Thanksgiving in order to shop is literally number one on my list of “Things that I’m Never Ever Going to Do. Ever.”
When the clock strikes twelve, the doors swing open and here come the mindless, greedy shoppers. This is when people turn into wicked, inhuman things that will do anything they can to get their hands on Black Friday deals. Have you ever seen the videos of this rather terrifying event? Look it up. Then watch how the zombies of The Walking Dead swarm through a building. You seriously won’t be able to tell the difference.
Not only can they get trampled at the doors (this has unbelievably happened,) but fights break out over gifts meant for little kids. In front of little kids. I mean come on. Grow up. It’s a stuffed doll that has one dollar off the price. I’ll give you two dollars if you act like a big kid.
What is it with people and shopping at the crack of dawn anyway? While the rest of the sane world is peacefully sleeping, these maniacs want to find the cheapest deal for a pair of multi-colored toe socks. You know what works just as well as multi-colored toe socks? ANY PAIR OF SOCKS. And those you can buy at normal, human times of the day for a price that is most likely cheaper.