Living, learning with loss 

      “Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things,” says author Arthur Schopenhauer. I have been lucky in my life, living almost 18 years without losing a loved one. I grew up with both parents, both grandparents and a complete extended family. Most other people aren’t this lucky. Loss was a concept unbeknownst to me. My grandparents took a major role in raising me, from being my cheerleaders to my go to babysitters.  

      My grandmother has struggled with Alzhimer’s and dementia for several years. This meant years of watching her slowly become a shadow of who she once was, someone who slowly forgot people and memories and someone who was not herself in the end. It broke me, visiting her and seeing her as the upbeat person who used to always cook and do her makeup. 

      After someone passes, I, like most people, had regrets, regrets about not being there for her when she passed, and for not seeing her more. I couldn’t even look at her at the viewing. I had no idea how to deal with her death, and as a person who likes being prepared, I hated this situation where I was totally lost. I fell into a funk, propelled by other life issues. I honestly was scared to talk to my friends, despite having an abundance of people who reached out with kind words. 

       This fear haunted me until the funeral, bottling up my emotions and run by a fear of sharing my true feelings. After sharing words at the funeral however, I felt relief. I felt comforted by my childhood best friends’ presence at the funeral, as well as many of my friends’ parents in attendance.

           Losing someone has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever faced. However, how I have dealt with it has been a defining process. I have grown closer to my sister who is 10 years younger than me, after spending time together. My grandmother would have loved to see us this close, and I know she wouldn’t want to see me down for long.

       So to anyone reading this who is going through something, whether it is a loss or just a dark time. Trust me, it does get better. It sucks that stuff like this has to happen but there isn’t anything we can do in the crazy, unpredictable thing that is life.       

       Sometimes you have to take things with a grain of salt and realize the only thing you can control about life is how you react to those things that seem uncontrollable. Times like these require all of us to find any positive element, no matter how small. In loss, you are able to grow in the reflection of how amazing that person was and how they helped you. Life is too short to let the sad parts define you.