Going rogue: identifying with impulsivity

     Fun fact: last year around this time I wrote a column about how I became more honest with my feelings after a dramatic hair change, so I see it’s only fitting to write about how I  changed this year, after I bleached the underpart of my hair.

     Spontaneity. The first thing I did after I bleached my hair was shave a slit in my eyebrow. And the second thing I did was cry about how ugly my eyebrow slit was. (It did grow back but my eyebrow does not look the same at all).

     I actually learned two things from that, one being to never shave my eyebrow again, and the second being that I liked the feeling of being spontaneous. I’m not sure if this is school appropriate but it’s like doing drugs without the drugs (Mrs. Chandler I promise I do not do drugs).

     So, I began to dig deeper into figuring out how I can achieve that same feeling.

     For those that don’t know me, I have, for a long time, said and done things without thinking. One of my key personality traits is my lack of a filter. Sometimes it gets me into trouble (Larby I deeply apologize but you have to admit, it was a good joke) but sometimes it actually works in my favor.

     People know me for being able to say whatever I want, and I’ve had people compliment me on it, telling me that they wish they had the confidence to speak their mind all the time.

     So, if I’ve always been like this how can I change? Easy, I want to go beyond no filter. Do whatever, whenever. But unfortunately, it’s hard to do that during a global pandemic, and it seems I have dropped the ball a bit on that one.

     It’s hard for me to understand why my friends have such a hard time saying things to people. A few weeks ago I added a boy on Snapchat and just sent an audio of me barking “because why not.” My friends told me that it was stupid and that they would NEVER. But why not? What are the consequences? THERE ARE NONE.

     Nothing is real and with that mindset I can just do whatever I want (within reason).

     I made a bucket list with my friend Lacie a few months ago and together we have crossed absolutely nothing off of that list. And the sad thing is that some of the things on the list ARE covid friendly, but I still haven’t done anything.

     In an ideal world, I would be spontaneous beyond the point of ruining my eyebrow for a few weeks and barking at people. And while I am still working on actually following through, let’s be honest: who hasn’t fallen through on a resolution?

     It’s almost New Year’s which means everyone is going to say, “in 2021 I’m going to be healthier!” And then two weeks into January they stop going to the gym and forget about their diet.

     We’re all improving at our own pace and in my mind, if I tell people that I already am more spontaneous, maybe I’ll actually follow through. Otherwise I’d be a liar.