The choices are mine now, I hate it

      The prospect of creating a life beyond high school, while not being a legal adult, is unfathomable. I must prepare a solid foundation for my future while not being allowed to vote in the election.  

     Over the years, I have learned quite a bit about myself. For instance, my mind lacks structure without instruction. It’s not that I am incapable of efficient organization, it’s the fact that I enjoy having someone else make the big decisions for me. 

     I’ve been in school for 12 years now and I have come to the realization that I am dependent on the staff’s ability to be the boss of me.  Without their strict instructions of where to go and when, I would be lost at sea. However, my admiration for them is lost when they boot me out and leave me to fend for myself. 

      After I graduate, all the choices, with the exception of some, will be mine. There will be no one telling me exactly when to eat lunch, no one to remind me that there are consequences for not attending class, and I’m not sure if I enjoy that.  

     For over a decade, there have been a group of people that I rely on to tell me precisely what to do, how to do it, and when to have it done by. The only decisions I’ve had to make are which classes I wish to be a part of in the following year of high school.  

     Of course, I’ve had the occasional choice to make outside of my school life, but they won’t impact what my future beholds. It appears as though the only selections made within some form of schooling system will affect my life beyond the textbooks.  

     Before North Harford kicks me to the curb, there are a few large decisions I must make for myself. For instance, if I’m going to take AP tests. There are numerous people telling me it is important to take these if I feel comfortable with the material, but since they’re not required, I am unsure if I can muster up the motivation to do them.  

     All the aforementioned motivation comes from a combination of deadlines and whether I must do the task provided. Without a constant reminder from the schooling system that there is no due date for when I have to become a grown up, I fear I will never remember to buy myself a house, purchase groceries, or do my taxes.  

     When I was younger, I was always anxious to grow up so I could avoid the power school held over my life. I’m beginning to realize the irony at how I am now holding on tight to the one thing I was ready to escape. I will soon have control over everything I do, but I could wait forever to let that responsibility begin.