Be the change to remain the same; The wisdom of following your heart

  Blindly following the crowd. To 5-year-old Aleah, this seemed to be the main attitude her fellow classmates had when faced with something out of their comfort zone. She sat back and watched as kids trailed behind each other and were only worried about themselves. 

     I remember like it was yesterday, a new little boy named Ian joined my kindergarten class, a supposed safe space where imagination could thrive and friends should support friends. I soon realized that those “friends” did not treat Ian as equally as I had expected. Ian was labeled as an outcast. He was left with the broken chalk pieces at recess, didn’t ask to share anybody’s safety scissors during arts and crafts, and was made fun of for how he spoke. 5-year-old me began to notice that Ian was unable to have a voice in an environment of classmates who were only going to speak louder. I thought with my heart instead of my head, and knew that I had to become Ian’s voice. 

     I remembered what my dad had once told me, “sometimes you have to make a change to stay the same.”

     During each recess, I played with Ian on the slides. During arts and crafts, I packed an extra pair of safety scissors in case he forgot his. Deeply connecting with Ian allowed me to understand a side of him that no one ever would. I didn’t need to talk. Actions spoke louder than words. I had to be the change so that Ian could stay his same, unique self. 

     Entering high school was a completely different ballgame. New kids, new school, I felt like I had to start over again. I began to keep to myself, not wanting to participate in discussions unless I was forced to. I kept every thought I had in my writing. Writing was a way to let all of my emotions out without ever really needing to share with everyone. It wasn’t until Sophomore year that I was approached by Mrs. Chandler, my English teacher, who was asking if I would join her journalism staff. I was definitely nervous, but I gave it a shot. Joining the staff led me to embark on opportunities that I never thought could happen before. I interviewed a popular book author, a pizza shop owner that wanted to make a difference in his community one smile at a time, and countless students who I would never have approached outside of journalism. 

      In one article, I wrote about being an indoor or outdoor cat. I stated that I felt as if I was “an indoor cat leaning it’s paws on the window, wanting to experience life outside of confinement, but needing another cat to go first.” I was transfixed on the need to become more of an extrovert and live life without ever looking back. I was jealous that most of my friends were able to easily demand attention, walk up to strangers and instantly make a connection. I thought that I would never have a voice. Later on in the year, I would go on to enjoy editing pages in Cry of the Hawk, writing and reporting on important issues, and even co-hosting one of the biggest school events, Mr. North Harford. I went from not knowing if I would ever have a voice to showcasing that voice on a grand stage. 

     I have learned that it is okay to be more of a listener and less of a talker. It is something that I can be proud of. A natural part of who I am. I have developed patience and tolerance through opening my ears instead of my mouth. To become able to find my voice, I had to learn to not speak for a moment. Once I was able to express it, I did so in a positive way. 

     Now, that 5-year-old kindergartener is an 18-year-old senior who is a month away from graduating high school, getting ready to set foot on the next path life takes her. My advice to carry to the future is to always stay true to who I am, to stand for the values that I have enjoyed learning to create, and to continue never giving in to the pressure from peers to say or do things that I don’t agree with. Looking back at my 13 years of education, friendship, disappointment, and triumph, I am amazed at how life has turned out. Nothing is or ever will be what I had originally planned for. In life, there are two choices – one choice is following others; the second choice is following your heart – and I will always continue to follow my heart, and that is something that I never need to change.