I need a prom date (that’s what my mom tells me). I can feel the desperation setting in. It’s eating at my soul, and if I don’t have a date soon I might have to faint or fake cancer. Therefore, I would like to send out an appeal to the junior/senior class boys who are nice, have a pulse, and are taller than 5’6” on why they should most definitely be my prom date for the following reasons:

1. I won’t fan girl and use you as my personal wrecking ball while I lip-sync lyrics when Miley Cyrus comes on. I can’t promise anything about Beyoncé; though, ‘cause Single Ladies is my jam.

2. My dress is black, so instead of dressing in the normal dress pants and shirt you can show up as a ninja, or Batman.

3. A fancy promposal is not required. All I need is a dozen roses, a hawaiian pizza, a miniature horse, and the secret formula for crabby patties.

4. Blondes have more fun. Wink.

5. I’m not absolutely fantastic at dancing, so if you’re also not an awesome dancer I won’t judge. If you’re good at dancing, that’s also okay because my awkward dancing will make you look even better. Bonus: I’ve pretty much mastered the wheelchair.

6. I can Photoshop you into the pictures. Actually, no. If I’m photoshopping anyone into the pictures it’s going to be Zac Efron. Shirtless.

7. I have hot friends.

8. I have the ability to find out where you (all of you) live. No, I’m just kidding. I got you! You looked a little afraid there! Haha…. you should be afraid.
By now, I hope those of you reading this know that I’m just kidding… for the most part. I know I’ll look fabulous and have a great time even if there isn’t a guy there to smile awkwardly in the pictures with me. (Although it would be nice.) Desperation isn’t attractive. Wallowing in self pity only makes you and everyone else unhappy. Prom isn’t the end of the world, so remember to stay classy, North Harford.