Georgia legislature passes law; gets endorsement from water conservationist

Jake Gay, Reporter

  Georgia passed a law about voting, that’s because the legislature really didn’t like that people are doing it. Republican Governor of Georgia Brian Kemp has even unveiled a new campaign encouraging people not to vote called “voting sch-moting.” No that’s not true, but it is not far off from what’s happening in the peach state.

     Precipitating this change on how voting works, was the country’s voting system working normally and without much issue. However, according to some, the system is “SAD” or even “AWFUL” (Trump). Basically, there were more people who voted for other people than Trump’s people, and that made Republicans  Awfully sad. To be fair, the way we vote has been largely unchanged for some time now; probably because it works pretty darn well.

     Things are looking up for Republicans though, they have introduced legislation that is reminiscent of the times when Thomas Jefferson was President. In a shocking move President Biden even conceded that the Georgia law was “unprecedented.” 

   The new law combats the growing obesity crisis and voting. So, Georgia is double dipping by fighting obesity and democracy all in one. 

     What better way to get a tan and a little exercise then standing in line to vote, just like our for forebears. Some states are trying to decrease lines at the polls, what’s next they let you vote online? We all know the first rule of voting is that it can’t be convenient.  

      With the new law on voting, Georgians are forbidden to give water to voters in line. Before they were having a serious problem with voters having to go to the bathroom, and then it was the whole, “you’re not allowed to save your spot in line.”  

       It should be noted that Georgia will now save a lot of water, the amount is unknown. This unknown amount is likely because when volunteers were giving out water they were weirdly not worried about giving out too much. 

     So, to my fellow Georgians (I visited Atlanta once),  Will Smith took his movie production out of our state. That seems like we missed out on a really cool opportunity. Although, let me tell you, we lucked out. Traffic is really bad already, we do not want more traffic. Also, those Hollywood sets employ around a thousand people. This means that those thousand people will lose their jobs. It’s the classic story of Hollywood giving the little-guy a once in a lifetime opportunity and stomping on them!  

     Many Republicans have called for the boycott of Coca-col-a. Which is a great idea, instead we will just drink water… nope wait, water is outlawed. We could drink Pepsi, although it is hard to find Pepsi in Georgia. So maybe we should just drink Coca-Col-A and pretend it is Pepsi? Okay, you won this round soda!

     Additionally, The MLB has pulled their All-Star game out of Georgia. I won’t lie to you, this one hurts. Luckily, we aren’t taking this totally called for maneuver, lying down. Our friend Tucker Carlson said on his show that the MLB does not  have, “…veto power over the democratic process.”  As we all know, nothing influences woke Democrats more than Tucker Carlson! 

     Truthfully when I heard Mr. Carlson’s words,  immediately I had to talk to Mrs. Seigel because I could have sworn they did have the right to overall the deomcratic process under the “1831 Clause of MLB overruling the democratic process.”  

     The truth of the matter is that while the MLB, Coca-Cola, Will Smith, Delta and other companies don’t have the right to (as Tucker called it) overall democracy, they do have the right to speak up. They are choosing to speak up on behalf of the nearly 40 percent of Georgia’s population who have had their democartic voices largely silenced by this law.