I can’t sleep so I sit here and think. 

     Blond by Frank Ocean flows from my headphones. It is the only album that makes me feel calm no matter how many times I listen to it. The headphones rest next to my head on the pillow, there is something discomforting about this. The noise of the music, just out of reach of muting my hyperactive mind.

How many of my nights reach this point? All of them…I think?

Night 4: Today was super rough. One of those days where nothing goes right. Over and over I have this nauseating feeling. My heart beats fast. I feel like I can’t breathe. 

Night 10: I feel as though I’m missing out in life. I’m watching from the outside with no control. 

Night 23: The more I think about it, I realize how much I intervene. Almost as if I am forcing every motion in my body without letting life carry it itself. Everything seems forced now. No fate. No easy-going. No God’s path. 

Night 40: Life feels like it is passing me by without hesitation and I’m only now watching reruns. Half of my teenage years are gone and I feel like I’ve missed the fun. I’ve wasted it. I’ll never get those years back. 

Night 76: I think I’m okay. I think that I’ve got my feet back on the ground.

Night 110: No, I am in fact not okay. Now I feel behind because I haven’t had those experiences. I’m trailing behind everyone else. 

Night 232: And then that feeling comes back. 

Night 377: What am I doing wrong? Why haven’t I done anything I’ve wanted to? 

     But tonight…this time when I sit and think…it stops. No more commotion. Or fear. Or doubt. Or regret. Or spite. 

     What changed? Well, I came to the conclusion that there is no point in overthinking. What does overthinking achieve for any of us? It provides us the opportunity to be violently thrown back into the cycle of further overthinking. A cycle of never ending anxiousness.  

     Do you realize you can wake up one day and decide not to do something any longer? You mean we could just decide to stop re-evaluating, re-examining, and revising? Yes. 

     I promise you, the day you put this into action, you will feel so much lighter. Thus, choose not to overthink, stop those thoughts, and distract them. Your brain needs a break from the ruckus, so do yourself a favor.

How do you think I came to this notion, I stopped overthinking for one second, and what a quiet world it opened.

So for the first time, the headphones have been on my head for the entire night. The music now comforts my head.

And I drift into the rhythm of sleep. No longer do I sit and think.