Ever since kindergarten, people are taught how to act. Don’t put your hands on anyone else without asking. Don’t steal things. Think before you speak. If you have nothing nice to say, then just don’t say anything. Pretty simple concepts, right? Everybody knows these.

     Recently, it’s become increasingly clear that some people insist on not following these basic rules. While the idea of having a perfect utopia where everyone loves each other is unrealistic, hurtful acts–no matter how big or small–are happening ridiculously often when they shouldn’t. Why is being a nice person becoming so hard to do? 

     According to Nathan A. Heflick Ph.D., humans naturally form groups out of a need for positive distinction from others. People view the groups they belong to more positively than other groups, so they think negatively of people from other groups. This intensifies if there’s competition between the groups, or if they feel the identity of their group has been challenged.

     It’s safe to assume this behavior is a factor in fueling racism, discrimination, and exclusion. How can it be combatted? The answer is pretty simple: be aware of how the brain is wired to unwire it. Although this behavior is seemingly innate, it can be unlearned through practice and training to become open minded. It’s worth unlearning. Be kind.

     Social comparison theory states that people naturally compare themselves to other people, and these comparisons usually make people feel worse about themselves. Of course, people want to feel good about themselves, so they fall prone to making downward comparisons–which let them look down on others. This enables poor treatment of others.

     There’s other things people can do to boost their self esteem that don’t involve hurting another person. Some of these include: building positive relationships, journaling, eating and drinking better, practicing thinking differently, and exercising. Be kind.

     Further research into this theory suggests people are more negative towards others when they’ve been insulted. In one study, when someone was told they were unattractive and told to rate the attractiveness of another person, they rated them negatively. When the same person was told they were attractive, they rated the other person positively.

     It’s simple. A hurtful act creates an endless loop of negativity. A kind act creates an infinite loop of positivity. It’s so obvious which is more beneficial and healthy for people to be in. So, why be the cause of a negative loop? Instead, be kind. 

     Babies inherit the ability to feel empathy through genetics, but empathy is also influenced by school, home life, and other surrounding environments. Why would anyone want to teach a kid that it’s okay to say a slur, when they could instead be showing the kid an example of being a decent person? 

     Kindness increases self esteem, improves moods, and releases hormones that cause feelings of satisfaction and well-being. It decreases blood pressure and stress hormones, and releases natural painkillers in the body. It makes people healthier and live longer lives. 

     So, what’s the excuse? Why harass a group of people because of their identity? Why deny people basic human rights? Why feel the need to ruin someone’s day? Why not be kind, when it’s clearly the right choice?